Four times Jack told Ianto he loved him
by ello luv
Summary: ...and once he didn't.


**Title: **Four times Jack told Ianto that he loved him, and once he didn't

Pairing: Jack/Ianto

**Warnings: **Follows all canon, with specific spoilers for "To the Last Man", "Adam", "Reset", "Adrift", and "Children of Earth: Day Four", in that order

**Summary: **Check the title

I.

'Why? Would you miss me?'

'Yup.'

It was amazing how such a short word (three letters, one syllable) could send those shivers up my spine. He would miss me. _He _would _miss me_. I faintly registered the rest of our conversation, but my head still buzzed with the simple revelation.

'And I wouldn't change that for the world.'

He catches my gaze and we sit for a moment. I can almost see the decision flicker across his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. And then we are one, melting together in a tangle of lips and tongues.

We pull apart only when oxygen becomes necessary and I suddenly see him in a new light. We've been on one date, a single date that was interrupted by Weevils, yet I see him as more. Not a part-time shag like Owen said, like I insisted when it first began.

This kiss, this one searing, stomach flipping, heart thumping, spin tingling kiss and all of the pieces fall into place. My vice is awed, slightly wavering.

'I love you.'

I think for a moment that he'll bolt like a frightened rabbit. But them I see the shine in his eyes, a delighted glimmer, before he attaches himself to me again and I know he's saying he loves me too.

II.

'I'm a killer,' he murmured, 'A murderer, a killer!'

It chills me to the core. Hearing him speak this way. _It can't be true_, I think.

'It can't be true,' I say, pulling his trembling form into an embrace, his tear0stained cheek pressed against mine.

'You are not a killer,' I say.

'I remember, I remember,' he sounds like a crazy man, 'Those poor women.'

'I don't believe it,' my voice is firm despite the burning pinpricks in the corners of my eyes threatening to emerge at tears.

His sobs are growing again, gulping and heaving.

'No Ianto!' I say, gripping his tear stained face between my hands and crushing my lips against his, 'I love you and you are not a murderer! Do you understand?'

He has no answer, his eyes red and his nose leaking the Welshman stands as if in a trance.

'Ianto!'

'Yes.'

I cannot tell if he is agreeing with me or simply responding to his name.

'We will figure this out,' I say, 'The lie detector was wrong and we _will _find out why.'

I'm not reassuring either of us.

III. 

Martha took the body to store it until autopsy, the cold staring eyes covered with a plain cloth. Gwen had already left to see Tosh home, a sleeping pill for the distraught techie tucked into the pocket of her jeans. Ianto was sitting in the sofa, staring at nothing in wide-eyed shock.

Softly, quietly, I went to the kitchenette and prepared a cup of tea. I went over to sit beside my lover. He took the tea but didn't drink.

'Oh god.'

From the tone in his voice, I could tell the reality of the situation was hitting him. Tears began to leak from his eyes, one dropping into the tea with a soft plop. I took the mug and set it down, allowing Ianto to curl up on himself, burying his face in his hands.

'Let it out,' I soothed, rubbing his back softly, ' It's alright.'

'Alright?' Ianto's voice was incredulous as he sniffled and looked towards me, 'Alright? No, Jack, it's _not _alright. You may be used to everyone around you dying, but the rest of us aren't! Hell, I didn't even really _like _the bastard, and look at me, blubbering like a child.'

My heart melted at his lost expression and I drew him into my arms.

'I'm sorry,' I murmured, kissing the top of his head.

We sat in silence, simply holding each other.

'Ianto?'

He was asleep. I lay him down on the couch and covered his form with my greatcoat. I leaned over to place another kiss atop his brow. With a whisper 'I love you', I left him to sleep.

IV.

We knew it was risky to do it in the hothouse rather than my office or bedroom. There was always the chance that somebody (in other words, Gwen) would come back. At the time, though, we didn't give much thought to risk, choosing to focus more on each other (lips, tongues, teeth, hands) and it had cost us.

Though I must admit that it was quite enjoyable to see Ianto's flush creep down his chest, I was, frankly, pissed off ay Gwen for interrupting.

Once that whole situation was taken care of, Ianto and I returned to the hothouse and immediately burst into hysterics.

'Did you see her face?' I choked out through my laughter.

Somehow, we managed to calm ourselves down, wiping tears of mirth from our eyes.

'And by the way,' I said, suddenly serious, 'I do _not _cheek in naked hide and seek!'

'You do so!' Ianto protested, unable to stop grinning.

I chuckled again. 'But you love me anyway.'

'It's impossible not to,' he intoned, perfectly serious.

'And I love you,' I replied, stalking towards him, prowling, almost purring as I say, 'Now, where were we?'

and once he didn't

I held him in my arms, against my chest, just as I'd done many times before. But this wasn't like those other times. I wasn't cradling him in his sleep or comforting his sobs. We were crying together, both slowly sliding into oblivion. I would wake up, he wouldn't.

How could I have been so stupid? I knew these aliens, had dealt with them before. Yet, in my haste, I didn't think things through.

'I love you,' he whispers, voice broken. He knows what's coming.

'No Ianto,' my eyes fill afresh with hot tears that sting my reddened flesh, 'Don't leave me, please don't leave me.'

He breaths his last breath before me, and all I can think as my heart stops and my vision fades to black is that I didn't tell him I loved him one last time.

There is nothing after, this I know. I will never see him, never hear him, never hold him, never again. My brain shuts down and my arms go slack and, for the first tome, I never want to wake up.


End file.
